April 23, 2008

The Worst 2008 NBA Playoffs Preview

I'm following up a tradition I started last year-- to come up with a very bad, yet sensible prediction of the NBA Playoffs. I was able to predict that the Warriors will upset the Dallas Mavericks and the Jazz would win over the Rockets, but I also picked the Wizards over the Cavaliers and the Nuggets over the San Antonio Spurs, who actually won the NBA Championship.

I'm making the tradition worse by making a playoff preview A WEEK after the games have started. That's innovation for ya. So on to the first round match-ups:

Eastern Conference
  1. Boston Celtics (1) vs. Atlanta Hawks (8) - The Celtics have MVP candidate and newly minted Defensive Player of the Year with Kevin Garnett so it shouldn't be a problem for the Celtics. Unless Joe Johnson becomes Kobe Bryant and Josh Smith actually shows up, Boston should get ready for the next round. Celtics in 5.
  2. Detroit Pistons (2) vs. Philadelphia 76ers (7) - Uspet special! Philadelphia is a gutsy team and will catch Detroit sleeping. Billups, Hamilton and Rasheed will age before our eyes in this series. Sixers in 6.
  3. Orlando Magic (3) vs. Toronto Raptors (6) - No Kryptonite means no wins for the Raptors, who is using All-Star Chris Bosh against "Superman" Dwight Howard. The Raptors' Euros will have a hard time proving they can play NBA playoff basketball. Dwight Howard will eat the Raptors alive while eating cereal for breakfast, if that's possible. Magic in 4.
  4. Cleveland Cavaliers (4) vs. Washington Wizards (5) - I know this is not a popular vote, but I believe in the Washington Wizards. They still can win with Antawn Jamison, Caron Butler and a recovering Gilbert "Agent Zero" Arenas. But thanks to DeShawn Stevenson's "over-rated" remark, LeBron James is dominating them. Nonetheless, this is the second upset of the first round as I see Gilbert Arenas stepping up. Wizards in 7.
Western Conference
  1. Los Angeles Lakers (1) vs. Denver Nuggets (8) - Carmelo "DUI" Anthony is not primed to play in the highest level and Allen Iverson will be grounded in this series. The only way the Nuggets can win this series is if Kobe Bryant gets affected by "sexual assault" chants in Denver. Lakers in 4.
  2. New Orleans Hornets (2) vs. Dallas Mavericks (7) - How the might Mavericks have fallen! Mark Cuban should now seriously consider firing Mavs coach Avery Johnson. If he can't win with reigning MVP Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Kidd, your team is as good as the Golden State Warriors-- out of playoff contention. Chris Paul is the best non-MVP this season.
  3. San Antonio Spurs (3) vs. Phoenix Suns (6) - Wow! Two of my most hated teams are playing. End of story. Spurs in 6, not that I'd care anyway.
  4. Houston Rockets (4) vs. Utah Jazz (5) - I pity the Houston Rockets. Their best chance to advance to the playoffs is shelved due to an injury and now their playoff hopes are put on the shoulders of a player who has NEVER advanced to the second round (although Tracy McGrady has once remarked how good it must feel). The Jazz are competing against the Spurs as "The least watchable, but effective" basketball team. Jazz in 6, and another first round exit for T-Mac.
There you go-- the worst 2008 NBA Playoffs preview.



  1. Hey fellow Laker fan!

    Not a bad review. I feel the same way about the Spurs and Suns. I hate those teams so much I prayed that they meet in the first round.

    Interesting thought about the Boston, Detroit and L.A. series though.

    I don't see Atlanta winning a single game against the Celtic beasts.

    I also can't imagine Philadelphia beating mighty Detroit (more so in 6 games).

    Denver can steal a game or two based on their individual talents alone. Heck, they can even win the series. But that's just me as a Laker *sick* fanatic - I always think L.A. can be beaten by anybody. I won't really be satisfied with their lineup forever.

  2. Hi tonex!

    I'm also glad the Spurs are meeting the Suns!

  3. Kobe is a created manifestation of the elite bourgeois capitalist pigs. Death to pigs.





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